Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize