belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
