well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
