It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
