I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
