i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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