Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
