good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
