Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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