The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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