I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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