Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
