some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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