i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
