she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
