Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
