you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
