I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
