I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
