Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
