Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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