i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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