She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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