she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
