you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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