He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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