found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize