why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
