i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize