If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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