Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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