we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
