Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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