My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
