I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
