sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
