dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She bit a glass in half.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize