he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
