9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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