Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
