he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
