we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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