why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
