You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
