Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
