Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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