haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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