I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
