Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
