i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
