Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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