oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
