I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
