i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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