until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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