I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
