i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
