: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize