hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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