Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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