I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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