On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
