I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
