On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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