I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize